When conflict with one person starts to shape your whole workday, it’s worth pausing to ask what can shift. A reflection on navigating difficult dynamics without losing yourself.
When conflict with one person at work feels personal and exhausting, this post offers reframing and practical ways to make the relationship more workable.

There is a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from being in conflict with one person at work.

It’s not the big, dramatic kind of conflict that leads to HR meetings or formal complaints. It’s quieter than that. It shows up when a colleague talks over you, dismisses your input, or seems perpetually unavailable for the conversations that might actually help. Or maybe it shows up when someone’s communication style grates on you so much that respect starts to feel optional, or when every interaction leaves you bracing for the next one.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Many people experience conflict at work not as a breakdown of process, but as a breakdown of relationship with a specific person.

What makes this kind of conflict particularly difficult is that it often feels personal, even when it isn’t entirely so.

When Conflict Gets Interpreted as Character

When we are stuck in tension with a colleague, it is natural to start explaining the situation in terms of who they are.

They’re bullying.
They’re avoidant.
They’re arrogant.
They’re impossible to work with.

These interpretations are understandable, especially when someone’s behavior has real impact on your ability to do your job. But they can also quietly narrow the range of options available to you. Once a conflict becomes a story about someone’s character, it can start to feel fixed.

At the same time, many people internalize the conflict in the opposite direction. They wonder whether they are being too sensitive, too rigid, or too demanding. They spend energy trying to adapt, accommodate, or wait it out, hoping the situation will improve on its own.

Both responses are attempts to make sense of something that feels unresolved and uncomfortable.

A Reframe That Can Create Some Breathing Room

One of the most helpful shifts is to move the conflict out of the realm of personality and into the realm of interaction.

Instead of asking, “What is wrong with them?” or “What is wrong with me?” it can be more productive to ask, “What is happening between us that isn’t working?” This subtle shift allows you to stay grounded in your own experience without turning the other person into a villain or yourself into the problem. It also opens the door to noticing patterns rather than incidents.

You might begin to see that the tension flares in specific contexts, around certain decisions, or under particular kinds of pressure. You might notice that the issue is less about intention and more about mismatched expectations, unclear authority, or competing priorities that no one has named.

None of this excuses harmful behavior. But it can help you see the conflict more clearly, which is often the first step toward changing it.

What You Can Do When You Feel Stuck With One Person

Improving a difficult working relationship does not require you to fix the other person, become endlessly patient, or tolerate behavior that undermines you. It does, however, benefit from a few grounded moves that put some agency back in your hands.

Start by getting specific about impact. Instead of focusing on what you dislike about the person, clarify for yourself what is actually not working. Is it the lack of response? The tone in meetings? The way decisions get made without your input? Naming this internally can help you communicate more clearly later.

If a conversation feels possible, keep it narrow. You do not need to resolve the entire relationship. Often, it is enough to name one recurring pattern and its impact on your ability to do your job. Framing the issue around work rather than personality can make the conversation safer for both of you.

It also helps to pay attention to what is structural versus personal. Sometimes what feels like disrespect is actually a symptom of unclear roles, overloaded schedules, or decision-making processes that leave people stepping on one another. Where possible, anchoring your concerns in shared goals or clearer agreements can reduce friction without requiring emotional alignment.

And if a direct conversation does not feel safe or productive, that matters too. Seeking support from a manager, mediator, or trusted third party is not a failure. It is often a recognition that the issue is bigger than any one interaction.

Letting Go of the Need for Resolution

One of the quiet pressures people feel in workplace conflict is the belief that things need to feel resolved in order to move forward. In reality, many functional working relationships are not warm or easy. They are workable.

Workable can mean clearer boundaries.
It can mean fewer surprises.
It can mean knowing what to expect, even if you do not particularly enjoy it.

Shifting your goal from “we need to like each other” to “we need to work together with less friction” can lower the emotional stakes and make progress more achievable.

A Final Thought

If you are carrying conflict with a specific person at work, it is worth remembering that you are responding to something real. At the same time, you are operating within a system that shapes how much room there is for repair, clarity, and support. You are not weak for finding this hard. And you are not obligated to carry it alone.

Sometimes the most meaningful change begins not with fixing the other person, but with reclaiming a bit more clarity, agency, and self-respect in how you engage. Even small shifts can soften what once felt immovable.

And sometimes, that is enough to make the work feel possible again.